In a loft apartment in The Village (that is the gay neighborhood in Manchester, to us tourists) Stuart is not having a great Friday morning. He needs to get ready for work but last night’s shag is still in his bed! Stuart steps over the man only to find another one munching on crisps butt naked in the grotesque open plan kitchen. Why do men never get the message, he thinks pinkly.

In some other part of Manchester Nathan has stayed the night with a boy his own age. But when he gets back to his home-away-from-home Hazel gives him ear full for not letting her know where he was. She threatens to tell his mum if he doesn’t start behaving. Nathan just can’t handle having two mums right now, why did he agree to this unbelievable arrangement anyway?!

Vince has a dating emergency. That is, Cameron shows up at the supermarket where Vince works to ask him out. However, Cameron is an ancient 36-year old Australian accountant who probably will end up selling Vince a pension plan. Vince turns to his bestie Stuart for advice even though they haven’t talked since Vince stormed out to leave Stuart to deal with his mortifying problems by himself. Stuart deals with Vince’s dating dilemma by calling Cameron and just like that, Vince is going on a dinner date. Will Vince finally get to shag all night long?

Is there no one straight left in the world? Even Stuarts straight-married work date Martin Brooks wants to go to “Stuarts sort of place”. A gay bar! Nathan and Donna are also at a gay bar. And who is this behind the bar? He is Nathans shag from last night, Daniel or Dazzzz. Nathan tries to explain to Donna that Daniel definitely not the same Daniel who has the fancy car and apartment but Donna just laughs see-throughly in his face.

Across the canal Vince is meeting up with Cameron at a hands on restaurant. When Cameron steps away to the toilet Vince calls Stuart for moral support and ends up in a telephone comedy situation where no one can get hold of who they’re calling for. It only ends when Cameron takes Vince’s phone and throws it in the canal. Cameron then scoops Vince into a kiss and leaves him standing there on the bridge with a “call me”.

Vince is perplexed. He’s been on a gay date but where’s the shag? Vince decides to get a shag, any shag. He brings home an open-mouth kissing Davros fan boy who gets right down to inserting Doctor Who tapes into Vince’s VHS player …. Sexterminate!

Stuart is not having a great Saturday morning. He is wearing a black, fuzzy jacket as a shield against the consequences of his actions. For one, his sister is angry with him for breaking his promise to babysit his nephews. And now his work date Martin Brooks wants to keep going out on Canal Street. Every night. Don’t be a tourist, Stuart says loudly and goes on: It’s all in or nothing in The Village.

Before making amends with his sister, Stuart goes to THE LESBIANS to spend quality time with baby Alfred, his son. Of course his denim stalker Nathan is there quipping about Stuarts age and energy levels. THE LESBIANS have even taken in a token straight man who couldn’t find anywhere else to live. Is there no end in sight for Stuarts suffering? There is not. His sister tells him that their parents are divorcing. Not even the fuzzy, oversized jacket can shield the Golden Boy now.

Vince plucks up the courage to call Cameron for a second date. They go clubbing. A very drunk Stuart shows up and makes a pass at Cameron. Cameron replies by kissing Vince instead. At home, Vince makes gin and tonics while Cameron tries to get Vince to believe that Stuart made a pass at him. When Cameron tells him a third time, Vince finally seems to believe that his bestie would make a pass at his date. The two perfectly good gin and tonics are left untouched as Vince makes his move on Cameron. They embrace, they kiss, clothes go flying and they jump into bed. Mid-jump Saturday evening ends with a freeze frame.